Boating: No good deed goes unpunished!
We spotted a man waving a red portable gas can at us from a boat in the back bay. It was a sure sign of distress and my natural instinct was to rush over and assist. I, we, had done just that so many times without thinking for a second. This sunny Sunday afternoon was different because we had ‘Lawyer Dagget’ aboard. His nickname comes from the movie ‘True Grit’.
As I slowly turned the boat around he spoke up, “I’d be careful about who I’d be helping on the water,” he said.
“I’ve got a two and a half gallon jug of gas that I keep just for these kinds of situations,” I said.
“How old is the gas? If the gas has water in it or is bad some other way, you could be liable for his engine trouble,” he mused.
As we approached slowly I shouted, “What’s your problem?”
“No gas, we’re out of gas,” the young man shouted back.
“Do you have towing insurance,” I asked from a boat length away.
“No I don’t. This is her father’s boat and I don’t know if he has any either.” Right on key a young woman sat up from her lounging position and waved.
“Tell him you’ll call the Coast Guard for him. If he’s on the level, he’ll agree,” whispered ‘Lawyer Dagget’.
“Do you want me to call someone for you, the Coast Guard maybe?”
“No, no, no we’ve been drinking and that wouldn’t work,” he said nervously.
“Who can I call for you,” I asked. “The sun is about to set.”
“There’s nobody to call, really. If you pull alongside I might be able to siphon some gas from your tank. I found a hose and it should work.”
“He’s a big strong kid and we’re over the hill. Do you really want him on this boat? What if he attacks us and steals this boat,” whined ‘Lawyer Dagget’.
I was becoming very paranoid and began wondering how I could protect my guests and still help the stranded boaters. It’s true that I am a senior citizen with dubious physical stamina but I am sure I’ve still got a minute and a half of old bar fighting skills left.
My real problem was stifling the nearly uncontrollable urge to drown a fellow member of my beloved ‘Dead End Canal Yacht Club’, ‘Lawyer Dagget’. He had entered the danger zone, quite like the twilight zone, where reality blurs and blind rage takes over.
“I’ve got a small amount of gas in a container,” I said while digging it out from the well behind the outboard engine. I maneuvered closer and used a boat hook to pass it the last few feet.
The young man took the red container and nodded gratefully. Faster than I could believe he had the gas cap off and in went the two and a half gallons. He turned the ignition key. Grrrrrrr, grrrrrr, grrrrrr went the motor but the engine wouldn’t fire.
I’m not a mechanic but I thought of the many different tricks to prime the carburetor but they all took some risk. “Is there a can of ether on board,” I inquired about the least dangerous method of getting the engine to run for a brief period so the fuel pump could do its job. I won’t go into how it’s done because I’m still paranoid.
He didn’t have any and that was the extent of the suggestions I was willing to make. The young man continuously turned the ignition key until the battery began to lose power.
“He probably wasn’t out of gas in the first place,” ‘Lawyer Dagget’ chimed in.
“Son, we’re about to lose our light. Pull up your anchor, I’m going to toss you a tow line,” I said as I swung around.
“You can’t tow him, are you crazy? The owner of the boat will sue you for sure for every nick on his boat,” ‘Lawyer Dagget’ whispered.
I handed ‘Lawyer Dagget’ a length half inch heavy weather anchor line that I thought would make a decent tow line. “Toss him one end of this and don’t forget your business card!”
The young man followed my instructions about how to secure his end of the tow line and we were off. As we entered the channel a Sheriff’s boat came along side and inquired if we needed any help, which we didn’t. I briefly considered handing ‘Lawyer Dagget’ over to him but that might have brought me up for censure in the club.
After 45 minutes we reached a canal where the young lady said they lived. There was an empty dock at the mouth of the canal and I suggested to the couple that leaving them there was preferable to hip towing them all the way to their dock. They agreed and we dropped them there. The young man offered to pay a small amount but I declined because it was dark and I wanted to get back home.
As we chugged along through the ‘no wake’ zone, ‘Lawyer Dagget’ said, “I told you so! I told you it wasn’t a good idea to stop. No good deed goes unpunished; he stole your gas can!”
Hurry, hurry, hurry and get your questions into the upcoming “Ask the boatguy” column. boatguiEd@aol.com . There are no stupid questions! Participants will be eligible to win a free one-day pass to the spectacular Fort Myers Boat Show Nov. 12-15. Remember to buy the locally made Super Shipbottom Antifouling Bottom Paint, www.supershipbottom.com