Fix-all project for Beach problems?
To the editor:
For what seems like forever, the three biggest problems in Fort Myers Beach have been the issues of traffic, parking and beach re-nourishment.
The stars have finally aligned, and at this moment the Town has a 24-carat golden opportunity to solve all three in a single shot. But it will only happen if we act swiftly and can force ourselves to think big enough.
Here’s the plan:
There’s almost a trillion dollars worth of (borrowed-from-China) federal (taxpayer) money floating around out there in our economic stimulus program. One of the package’s primary uses is for re-vitalizing and expanding infra-structure.
Perfect! What we need is to get our intrepid (?) congressman Connie Mack to use his extensive influence to secure about two-or-three-hundred million bucks, give or take, for us to pull this off. Even though Mack has written several opinion pieces explaining why the whole stimulus idea stinks because of all the “pork” in it, he never indicated that he wouldn’t accept any funds for his district.
(It should be noted that during the recent election, when John McCain was campaigning on a platform of totally eliminating “earmarks” and “pork-barrel” spending, Mack was running ads locally in which he boasted about the millions of dollars worth of federal projects he had brought to our region. Isn’t that pork? The fact that they are both in the same party touting opposing ideas seemed a little paradoxical, but I guess one should also note that Mack got elected and McCain didn’t.)
Anyhow, the first phase of our grand fix-all project would be to hire an engineering firm from the Netherlands to design and build a whole new seven-mile-long barrier island about a half-mile offshore. This island would protect our barrier island from all the bad things nature might throw at us. We should go Dutch (so to speak) because those people know more about protecting low-lying land from the sea than anybody else.
Phase two would be to dredge out the area between the two islands and pump the sand up on the existing beach, extending it out about five-hundred feet.
Think about it. In this newly-created deep-water harbor we could build a huge dock for cruise ships that would bring in enough tourist revenue for us to out-Naples Naples. Imagine Fort Myers Beach’s own Gucci, Armani, and Neiman-Marcus stores. Even the Sanibelians would envy us!
Phase three would be to build two new traffic lanes on the beach side of all the houses and condos. Before paving them, all the crumbling water, sewer and electric lines under the existing Estero Boulevard would be replaced, taking care of our infra-structure problem. These two new lanes would become the southbound lanes of the boulevard, leaving the existing lanes as the northbound, thus solving the traffic-flow issue.
The parking problem would be solved by doing what the residents of Anna Maria Island (Bradenton and Holmes Beaches) had the foresight to do a long time ago – not permit any construction on the beach side of the road and allowing people to park by simply pulling off the road unto the beach.
The only difficulty I see with this project is that there would probably be some beachfront property owners who wouldn’t have the sense to understand that this is for the greater good of the whole town. When they figured out that this would have them living in the median of the boulevard, there would probably be some selfish louts among them who would balk. Hey, come on! Part of the deal would include having driveways allowing them egress in both directions. What more do they need?
There is a point after which we should say to those who refuse to grant easements (in the immortal words of ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich), “Bleep them!” claim eminent domain and do it anyway. In time, they’ll probably get over it. Well, maybe their grandchildren will.
This is an urgent issue! The money is there now and other towns will surely be putting their bids in, too. We’d better get our share before it’s gone elsewhere for some really stupid and less-deserving projects. We should insist the Town Council hold another emergency meeting and act on it immediately……………………………………… After all, it IS April Fool’s Day.