To the editor:

As a former columnist for your fine newspaper I congratulate you on surviving during these tough economic times and the supposed decline in print journalism. Keep up the good work. I write because of many request from your readers to upgrade news about the health and welfare of the crazy old boaters who belong to the ‘Dead End Canal Yacht Club’. Frankly I’m tired of conversations starting with, “What ever happened to….”

It has been some time since last we reported on ‘Run-aground Ralph and the rest of the motley crew who seem to have a following. The recession has taken it’s toll on the club. Many of the old boaters have dropped out of the club and some have even gone to the big boatyard in the sky. ‘Cap’n Crunch suffered a mild stroke and has recently completed extensive rehab which seems to have improved his docking skills.

Boston Bob isn’t our only blow boater anymore since we grudgingly allowed more of them to join. Beer consumption from the community keg has increased correspondingly but the cigar box hasn’t seen an increase in folding money? Still they add a breath of fresh air into our declining enrollment.

Run-aground Ralph traded in his powerboat for a motor home just as the fuel prices spiked. Last we heard he is somewhere in Alaska awaiting parts for his motor or generator or something. Most of us expect it is really an axle since he wasn’t having anymore luck keeping it on the highway than he did keeping his boat off the sandbars.

The rest of the membership use their boats less often, if at all. because of the decline in the knowledge level of ‘that boater’ coming at them. Boston Bob argues it can’t be a decline if the person operating the boat never had any skills in the first place. All of this makes for interesting meetings and informal gatherings at favorite watering holes especially when the ‘Pymatuning Princess’ and her husband stop by. As for me, I’m just hanging in there waiting for the return to normal? If there ever was any!

Of course you know that any resemblance to any person living or dead is just a coincidence.

boatguy Ed

Fort Myers