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Car jokes

August 19, 2015
By Larry DeHays , Fort Myers Beach Bulletin, Fort Myers Beach Observer

The car repair business can be a pretty serious affair at times. Actually, most of the time. To keep from becoming colossally depressed, we often find humor in the details, while trying not to be offensive to those who are suffering the losses. We make little jokes. Sort of like "gallows humor."

- At 4 o'clock p.m. on a Friday, a man brings in a car with problems. "It's an emergency. I plan to leave in the morning for New York. The car has been acting up ever since I got here two weeks ago. There's something loose underneath and there's a miss or something in the engine. I need it fixed before the trip tomorrow. How much do you charge?" That's worth a smile or two between members of the staff. We try not to be snarky, but there is an international conspiracy between all the repair shops in the world. Our motto is: Failure to provide timely maintenance on your part does not constitute an emergency on our part. We reply: "Funny you should ask that.."

- A man has a bunch of work done on his car. Multiple problems are addressed and fixed. Later he notices another problem, not reported before. "You guys must have caused this. I didn't have any problems with the car before you worked on it." That's a funny thing to say. I wonder why it was at a garage if he had no problems.

Moving on to jokes with cars in them.

- One rancher bragging to another rancher: "My spread is so big, I get in my pick-up and drive for 24 hours just to check the fence." Second rancher: "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that."

n Teenaged son phoning Dad: "The good news is I got the boat launched. It's in the water."

Dad says, "And the bad news?" Son replies, "So is the car."

- Lady caller: "My car has been like acting up, so I went on line and researched it, and I know exactly what's wrong with it and I like ordered and got all the parts from EBay but my boyfriend said he couldn't do it so I like Googled what the installation charge should be, so I want you to do the work so I want to like bring it in, and I'll have to wait for it so do you have a snack bar or anything while I wait?"

Now that's funny.

- Man at the front counter: "I had a new air conditioner put in back in Ohio before I left. It quit again. I'd like for you to fix it and send the bill to the garage up north. They're giving me a hard time, but they owe me for their lousy repair job, so my lawyer says they have to pay for the fix. Will you do that?"

Wait. Let me catch my breath.

- A lady just called asking how much we'd charge to put brakes on a Mercedes. When asked what model of Mercedes she had, she didn't know. "I just want to know how much," she said. "Don't all cars cost the same?"

I'm dying here. I can't breathe.

--Larry DeHays is the author of the book "The Car Care World", a compilation of his most popular columns. It is available now through Amazon, Barnes and Noble,, or at the DeHays Automotive office, 17617 Broadway Ave., Fort Myers Beach. He has been an ASE Certified Technician for 37 years and an arbitrator for the Florida Lemon Law for 16 years. For more information go to or



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