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Mechanic on duty (sort of)

December 4, 2013
By Larry DeHays , Fort Myers Beach Bulletin, Fort Myers Beach Observer

A gentleman in a fancy car pulls into a back country gas station and general store. The sign in the window says "mechanic on duty." A man in bib overalls comes out and moseys over and admires the car.

The drivers says: "Hey there, I need some help. My engine is missing."

Overalls asks: "When did you last see it, where was that, how long has it been missing, and does it have a history of leaving like that? Also, if it's not under the hood, have you looked in the trunk? Some cars have rear engines."

"No, I mean there's a miss in the engine."

"So you're saying there's something in the engine that ain't there? Where would it be?"

"Now I'm confused. I probably just got some bad gas. Maybe it'll go away."

"Yeah, gas has a habit of blowing away. Especially bad gas. You need to watch where you get your burritos."

"I said go away, not blow away."

"Yeah, it'll probably go the same place your engine went. Find one, you should look for the other."

"I think it just isn't getting the gas. Can you check it for vapor lock?"

"My old Aunt Lucy used to get the vapors. She'd pass right out. Sometimes she could do it without spilling her drink. Ain't likely your problem unless you been running that car on moonshine. Tell me what happens when you mash on the foot feed and step on the starter."

"Step on the mash of what?"

"Ain't you got a starter button right there on the floor next to the foot feed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. This car starts with the push of a button while the key is still in my pocket."

"Yeah, I had me one of them dashboard push buttons myself about sixty years ago. Didn't like it much. If I missed hitting the dang thing, I'd accidentally turn on the wipers or knock off the headlights instead. Starter buttons should be on the floor."

"Listen, are you sure you're competent to work on this car?"

"Heck no. I just stopped by the store to get a plug of tobacco. The mechanic is Jeb, but like the sign says, he's on duty with the National Guard right now. Y'all have a nice day now, Ya hear?"

He ambles off. The man drives off. With his missing engine. Choose your garage carefully.



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