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Boating: New members in DECYC and memories

June 1, 2011
by boatguy Ed

On a recent outing to Lover's Key with the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” we met several wannabe members of our club. They had already picked out their own nicknames and wanted to be included in all of our activities. 'Doubtful Doris' is married to Punxsutawney Phil, and his nickname is a problem because we already have one. The original isn't from Punxsutawney, but his name is Phil and the new one's name isn't Phil but he is from Punxsutawney. He'll still have to change his moniker.

Doubtful Doris said to me, “Even though my husband believes everything you write, I've always thought that you are just a fiction writer. I can't find any listing for that club, anywhere.”

In an effort to ingratiate myself to this new wannabe member, I replied, “You know Doris, it is so rare that a husband is smarter than his wife, but in this case, it is quite evident. Everything that I write about has actually happened in the space-time-continuum of Southwest Florida. I know you didn't understand that so ask your husband to explain it.” That might sound like gobbley gook, and you're right but I couldn't help myself.

Sandbar Joe swore the wannabees in by collecting $12.50 for a medium “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” t-shirt for her and $8.50 for a visor for him. Joe promised to get them on the mailing list and notify them of the location of the next happy hour cruise. They promised to mail in the $25 yearly dues for each. I'm sure we'll never see them again.

A lot of people just want the clothing because of the fine art work done by Dan Nelson of Dan Signs. They are real babe magnets, according to 'Tim the Restorer' who's one of only two intentional bachelors in the club. We allow him to be a member just so he'll work on our boats.

“Have you noticed that more and more of our members are working these days,” stated Cap'n Crunch. “Boston Bob is driving a cab to support his son in Manhattan, 'Philly Charise' went to work as a hostess at Matanzas Yacht Club and her husband Leroy is working as a dock boy at the Harbor Inn?'

“It's just like you Crunchie, to belittle their jobs,” I said. “Bob drives for an airport car service, Philly Cheese is the front end manager at that club and Leroy is dockside management. Most of us weren't Funeral Home owners, so we didn't have stiffs to rob!”

That shut up Crunchie for a while. He's a bomb thrower, and you have to throw one back at him to settle him down. But he was right about the working club members. During the boom years the club was a real gentleman and lady's club. We drank Martinis and smoked big cigars but today we've turned into a workingman's club. It is the economy with all of our grown children out of work or under-employed, but it's also the uncertainty of our older years.

“They're going to do away with Medicare and Social Security,” worried 'Shoe-man Ed' recently. “I need my Social Security now that two of my three shoe store have closed. They were my retirement and now four families are drawing off the remaining store.”

“Geez, Ed, will you settle down. They can't do away with those programs. Some changes have to be made but they can't cancel them,” countered our resident liberal, 'Computer Chuck.' “All they have to do is remove the contribution cap on Social Security. Those millionaire athletes, the Wall Street bonus babies and their employers will pay enough to reduce the shortfall so it can last another 100 years or more.”

“Every veteran over 65 should have to join the VA. That would save the government billions of dollars,” said 'General Patton.' “I'm in the VA and it's damned good care at a lot less than our Medicare charges the government.”

“I never thought I'd go to the VA, but since they cut our dental and eye coverage, I've had to bite the bullet so to speak,” said 'GMC George. “I'm settling in now and it's pretty good.”

With Memorial Day just behind us, it is a good time to thank us veterans for our service. It was a lucky day when I got that letter from my Uncle Sam. My VA has kept me going for a good while.

Boatguy Ed is a retired antifouling bottom paint maker who's just about to come out of retirement and help his son on the “Boater's Treasures” TV show. Visit to save money on waterfront dining. Send comments to



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